I am just a poor boy
Though my story's seldom told
I have squandered my resistance
For a pocketful of mumbles
Such are promises
All lies and jest
Still, a man hears what he wants to hear
Just a come-on from those gals Just a come-on from the whores
On Seventh Avenue Whoo-whoo!
L... I do declare
There were times when I was so lonesome
That I took some comfort there
La-la-la, la-la-la-la
Bonnie?
Who is it?
Donovan?
Bonnie? Yes?
Donovan?
In here!
Yes? Donovan Is everything all right?
Yeah The production meeting was put off, so I thought... Who's here?
Here? Mm
Who owns that piece-of-shit van down there?
Oh...
It's just a guy, you know, going door-to-door selling pool cleaner
So why did he lock himself in the den?
Well, he...
Oh, God
- Remember my friend Ollie? - Ollie Olerud?
Short, cretinous wanker?
Ohh Ollie's in there?
- Yes - I see
Well, I'm glad he finally got himself a job
I'd always picked him as some sort of deadbeat, but happy to be proved wrong
So, he's selling pool cleaner now, huh?
Well, this is the neighborhood for that Just door-to-door... "Running low on chlorine?"
It's quite a coincidence, him just dropping by
and you two knowing each other so well
Donovan, please, let's just all talk... How you doin'?
Donovan? How you doin', man?
Good day, Ollie I'm great You?
I can't complain, man
Excellent
Well, let's get right down to it then, shall we?
We'll take a couple vacuum hoses We probably need a new filter right about now, maybe...
Wait a minute, darling Do we actually have a swimming pool?
Okay, okay, man Now, let's be reasonable about this, okay?
So, you caught me porkin'...
havin'relations with your old lady
Oh, God
and now we're all feelin' just a little bit embarrassed by the whole thing, so, uh...
What the hey, man
I mean, I know it's a drag and all, but these things...
Hey! Hey, hey
Uh, w-we... we... we didn't actually have sex
I was depressed 'cause I'm impotent You know?
Unable to achieve an erection
I have been for over a year now, man,
and I needed someone to talk to
I mean, think about it, man Ayear without an erection?
Leave him alone!
- You should've seen this coming, you Australian piece of shit! - You bitch!
That's my Daytime Television Lifetime Achievement Award!
Cheesy bastard! Aaah!
You whore!
Oh, Christ!
Okay
All right, you want fun and games? All right
I'll give you fun and games
Explain this away
Li-la-li
Aaah! Ollie! Li-la-li-li, li-la-li
That's myJag! That's myJag! Li-la-li
Li-la-li-li, li-la-li That's my bloodyJag!
Li-la-li-li-li You bitch!
Bitch! Bitch!
Bye-bye, baby!
Oh, what are you looking at?
Explain this away, darling
We're caught in a trap
I can't walk out
Because I love you too much, baby
Why can't you see
What you're doin'to me
When you don't believe
A word I say
We can't go on together
With suspicious minds
Suspicious minds
And we can't build our dreams
On suspicious minds
So if an old friend I know
Drops by to say hello
Would I still see suspicion
In your eyes
But here we go again
Askin'where I been
You can't see the tears are real
I'm cryin'
Yes, I'm cryin'
We can't go on together
With suspicious minds
Suspicious minds
And we can't build our dreams
On suspicious minds
Oh, let our love survive
I'll dry the tears from your eyes
Let's don't let a good thing die
When, honey, you know
I have never
Lied to you
Mm-mmm
Yeah, yeah
We're caught in a trap
I can't walk out
Oooh Because I love you
Too much, baby
Miles Massey's office Hey, it's me Any messages?
Yeah, quite a few Where are you? Just whitening
Jim says he wants a meeting today, if possible Mm-hmm What else?
Chapman says his wife is now in Tahoe
Tell Amstedler I'll return in 20 minutes,
get Wrigley to look up Oliphant v Oliphant, Commonwealth of Virginia
for its relevance in the Chapman filing...
Oliphant v Oliphant, relevance to Chapman... She said she took the kids to Tahoe?
That's right Wait, which side ofTahoe?
She's on some kind of cruise
Yeah, well, if the cruise goes all the way around the lake, she's left the state and she's in breach
Tell Wrigley to prepare a filing to attach A filing to attach
What do you want in it? Everything
Primary residence, beach house, ski cabin, auto, stocks, bonds, dental floss
Everything Uh-huh Gonna lose ya
Uh-huh
And tell Fred Armatrading that we finally have pictures of his wife with the oral surgeon
Oh, and get a fruit and pastry basket in the conference room for my 9:30 Didn't have time for breakfast
Where are you? Comin' at ya
Your 9:00 is here Bonnie Donaly
Mrs Donaly
Hmm
Mm-hmm
Hmm
Yes, your husband did show remarkable foresight in taking those pictures,
and, yes, absent a swimming pool,
the presence of a pool man would appear to be suspicious
But, madam, who is the real victim here?
Let me suggest to you the following
Your husband, on a prior occasion, had slapped you... beat you
I think that word is not inappropriate No, I...
Let me finish, please
I'm not concerned with who slapped whom first
Your husband, who had beaten you repeatedly... No, he never...
Please... repeatedly, was at the time brandishing your firearm
- It was his gun - And we'll get it back for you
Trying, in his rage, to shoot an acquaintance,
a friend of long standing
They never really cared for each other
And if not for your cool-headed intervention,
his tantrum might have ended this schmo's life and ruined his own
As for the sexual indiscretion which he imagined took place,
wasn't it in fact he who was sleeping with the pool man?
No? Am I going too far here?
Were his sexual... No I don't...
Sorry I'm not omniscient
The point is that he acted upon an assumption which he cannot prove,
and I take it you deny
- Well... - Fine I'll take the case
It's imperative that I meet with Oliver Olerud before we proceed any further
so that I can massage the kinks out of our testimony
Do you really think we can put all this across?
The truth is so self-evident to me, Mrs Donaly,
that I'm sure I'll be able to make it equally as transparent to anyjury,
should your husband decide to take it that far
We'll need to caucus again to draw up a picture of your husband's net worth
A map of enemy territory, so to speak
You said he's a television producer? He has a soap opera... The Sands of Time
It's a silly show
Well, it'll be yours soon
Thank you very much
Thank you, Mr Massey Yeah Bye-bye
Still, you have to admire him for taking those pictures
Now, Mrs Gutman,
you testified that you were your husband's sexual slave
for 36 years during your marriage
Except for two years when he was in the navy in Southeast Asia
And before your marriage, what was your profession?
I was a hostess for Braniff Airlines
And what is your husband's profession?
He manufactures staples and industrial brad tacks
He's very successful
How would you describe your husband's sexual proclivities?
Well, at first he was a very gentle and tender lover
But then he became more and more fixated
on toys and machinery and devices of various kinds
I can't help it You don't decide to become bored
It just happens You're just looking for trouble
It's a midlife crisis
Look, get yourself a new car
I have a new car
I have two new cars and a tab at the Mercedes dealership
Torn the house down twice,
rebuilt the cabin in Vail,
got three of those, uh yard people...
Gardeners? Gardeners I've got a man who waxes my jet
These encounters were videotaped
Sometimes there would be a gizmo
A gizmo?
He had a device he called the Intruder
It was something he had the engineers at the factory design
And then he had a prototype built out of the parts from our vacuum cleaner
I see
So the vacuum cleaner wasn't available to me for several months
Several months without the appliance Yes!
The problem is, everyone is willing to compromise
That's the problem with the institution of marriage It's based on compromise
Even through its dissolution
Mrs Gutman here, she's gonna score some points
concerning her husband's sexual politics
Naturally, we'll try to impeach
And then the entire process will find an equilibrium point
based on the skill of the individual lawyers
Then both parties will go home with their portion of the staple factory
That's life Life is compromise
That's not life That's death
Struggle and challenge and ultimate destruction of your opponent... that's life
Let me ask you something
Attila the Hun
Thank you, Mrs Gutman Ivan the Terrible Henry the Eighth
Mr Massey, any questions? What do they have in common?
Middle name No They didn't just win They... They...
Mr Massey? They destroyed...
Mr Massey, again I ask,
have you any questions for the complainant?
I'm sorry, Your Honor I was just consulting with an associate
Now, Mrs Gutman,
do you know a man named David Gonzalez?
Well, he's the tennis pro at the club
The tennis pro?
Then why are your letters addressed to him, "Dear David and Goliath"?
Whoo! Whoo!
Go, Rexie!
Go, Rexie baby!
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo!
Rexie!
Cabin seven
Choo-choo!
Whoo-whoo-whoo!
Choo-choo!
Choo-choo
Choo-choo!
Choo-choo
- Choo-choo - Choo-choo
Choo-choo
- Choo-choo! - Whoo-whoo!
Choo-choo!
Ahh! Oh! Choo!
Yeah!
I'm gon' nail yo' ass!
Oh, I'm gon' nail yo' ass! Yo' ass!
I'm gon' nail yo' ass! Come to papa!
I'm gon'nail ya! Yeah, I got ya!
I'm gon'nail yo'ass! Enough, I say!
Hold it! I'm gon'nail yo'ass!
Yeah! Yeah!
A silly misunderstanding... Mm-hmm Someone nailed yo'ass!
Mm-hmm, yeah, I'm gon' nail yo' ass! I'm gon' nail yo' ass!
I'm gon'nail yo' ass!
Yep, I nailed his ass
I thought he'd outgrown trains
They never grow up, lady They just get tubby
How charming An aphorist
Oh, yeah, I've always had ample proportions
But believe you me, it's all muscle I'm as hard as a rock
I'm not one of these cream puff, sit-behind-the-desk private dicks
I'm an ass-nailer So I see
Gym four times a week... hour and a half, plus stretching,
LifeCycle, LifeStep, LifeCircuit
Gus Petch don't pussyfoot around
I must say, for someone in your line of work, you don't exhibit a great deal of tact
You want tact, call a tactician You want an ass nailed, you call Gus Petch
Christ, you seem to be taking it pretty good
I seen 'em come in here, weep and wail like Baptists at a funeral
Like they hired me to prove their husbands weren't foolin' around
Don't get me wrong, Mr, um... Petch
Gus Petch
Whilst I don't find this terribly amusing, I am delighted that you found this material
This is going to be my passport to wealth,
independence and freedom
Sounds like to me you gon' nail his ass
Honey? Honey!
Rex, get away from the door
Honey?
My key doesn't work
Can we talk about this?
Rex, get away from the door
Oh, look, I know that you're upset, honey
Rex, for your own safety, get away from the door
I don't like having to set the dogs on you
Oh, for crying out loud, if we could... Dogs?
Yes, dogs
I wanted some security since I'll be living here alone
Look, Marylin, can't we have a civilized discussion about this? Our lawyers can
Aaah!
You have a discovery hearing at 5:30 for the Maxine Gopnick case
Discovery? Gopnick? And a Lance Kelso called
He read your article about palimony settlements Lance Kelso
in same-sex partnerships
and would like to schedule an appointment Same-sex
Arthur Yardumian and his tax attorney want to reschedule their caucus for tomorrow
Yardumian? Arthur had to fly to Atlanta for a deadbeat dad hearing
Atlanta? And your 10:30 is here Rex Rexroth
- Rex Rexroth? - Real estate He's okay
Mr Rexroth
Uh, call me Rex Please
Miles Massey Please sit Relax
Consider this office your office, your haven, your war room for the duration of the campaign
Thank you
Now, sir
tell me your troubles
Well
my wife has me between a rock and a hard place
That's her job You should respect that
When I first met Marylin, we were crazy about each other
Not emotionally, of course Just, we couldn't keep our hands off each other
But then... then...
Time marches on
- Ardor cools - Yeah
So, um, we had an understanding
Whereby? We could see other people
Has Mrs Rexroth pursued the opportunities implicit in your arrangement?
Uh, I can... I can only assume...
Not in court, you can't
- Has she retained counsel? - I don't know
- She has rottweilers - Not a good sign
And have you yourself exploited your understood freedom?
There's a lady
A- Ayoung lady
She lets me be myself Of course
And your wife is aware and/or has evidence?
- Video - Hah!
To cut to the chase, forensically speaking,
is there a prenup?
"The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our stars, but in ourselves"
Let me ask you this... What kind of a settlement do you seek?
What are, for you, the parameters of the possible?
Well, that's the problem
I can't afford to give her anything
Nothing?
Yeah, I know that sounds a little rough, but listen,
I'm about to close a deal to develop some mini-malls
I'm mortgaged up to my heinie
If this deal goes south, I am ruined I will lose millions
So you propose
that, in spite of demonstrable infidelity on your part,
your unoffending wife should be tossed out on her ear?
Well, is that possible?
It's a challenge
Why don't you come out to Malibu and see my new beach house tomorrow
I didn't know Dmitri had a beach house
Neither did I until my lawyer found it Quite a paper trail
He had it in the dog's name Oh
Well, tomorrow won't work I'm having a body wrap
How's Wednesday? Hair appointment in the morning
Afternoon? Shrink How's your Thursday?
I'm having facial injections That kills Friday and Saturday
- Botox? - Butt fat
Does that really work? You tell me
Hello, darlings Mwah!
So, you and Rex are...
Well, as my private investigator put it, we're gonna nail his ass
I've been trying to nail George's ass for years, but he is so careful
Oh! Oh!
Are you all right, Claire?
Down the wrong pipe
- So, who's your lawyer? - Freddy Bender
I have an appointment this afternoon with Rex and his schnauzer
So, who's Rex's guy? Miles Massey
Miles Massey? Of Massey, Myerson?
Do you know him? By reputation
And, Marylin, he's no schnauzer
He got Phyllis Rumsey that cute little island of George's
George was so impressed, he hired him when he divorced his second
- Muriel Rumsey - Who's she?
Now? Night manager at McDonald's
But, Marylin, do we have a man for you
Thorstenson Gieselensen
He just separated from his third He's in fish
He is fish Well, he's tuna
Ladies, I'm not seeing anyone until I've finished nailing Rex's ass
But, Marylin, this man is tuna
Sarah, one husband at a time
I'll do the talking
I know you'll be tempted to chime in, but remember that you're in an emotionally vulnerable state
I'm the professional Oh
Okay
Freddy
Freddy Bender, this is Rex Rexroth
And you are the lovely Marylin
Please, Ms Rexroth
And you must be Mr Massey
Please, Miles Sit
Sit down
Freddy, I was sorry to hear about the Goldberger award
Pastry?
We did very well
Not to worry, Mrs Rexroth You're ably represented
I'm sure Freddy's just too modest to tell you he used to clerk for Clarence Thomas
Pastry? Going begging
Don't try to bait me, Miles
If you have a proposal to make, let's hear it
Well, at this point my client is still prepared to consider reconciliation
My client's ruled that out
My client is prepared to entertain an amicable dissolution to the marriage without prejudice
That's a fart in a stiff wind
My client proposes a 30-day cooling-off period
My client feels sufficiently dispassionate
My client asks that you not initiate proceedings pending his setting certain affairs in order
What's so goddamn funny?
Please, let me handle this
All right, so much for the ice-breakers What are you after, Freddy?
My client is prepared to settle for 50 percent of the marital assets
Why only 50, Freddy? Why not a hundred?
While we're dreaming, why not 150?
- Are you familiar with Kershner? - Kershner does not apply
Bring this to trial, we'll see if Kershner applies
What's Kershner? Please, let me handle this
- Kershner was in Kentucky - Kershner was in Kentucky?
- Kershner was in Kentucky - All right, Freddy, forget Kershner What's your bottom line?
Primary residence, 30 percent of remaining assets
What, are you nuts? Have you forgotten Kershner?
Freddy, it's a negotiation
See you at the preliminary
Freddy, we're all friends here
It's a negotiation Hey, uh...
Freddy!
Fine We'll eat the pastry
I thought that went well
Don't cry out loud
Oh, yeah
Gus, you outdid yourself
Mm-hmm Hear, hear
Mm-hmm, that's cool Very cool
Let's go back to the football game!
Oh, kiss my ass, now It's halftime, man This is some good shit
I'm 'bout to nail his ass right here
Gussy, go back to the Rabinowitz tape again
Hold on, now Here come the good part She 'bout to take off her panties
Oh, yeah Come on, come on, come on
Gus? Mm-hmm... Yeah?
It's Miles Massey Uh, take a number
It's about a job tonight!
Goddamn it
Aah! Aah! Did you see that? Oh, come on, man!
Here we are
Ms Rexroth, I am so delighted you decided to come
Well, I must admit I was curious
Something to start? Some wine, perhaps?
Red? French?
Bordeaux? Chateau Margaux?
'57? '59
'54
Mmm, Mr Massey Good, sir
Your husband had told me you were the most beautiful woman that he'd ever met
I didn't expect the most beautiful woman I'd ever met
"Dismiss your vows, your feigned tears, your flattery,
for where a heart is hard they make no battery"
"Whoever loved that loved not at first sight?"
Now, you didn't ask me here to pick me up
You could be disbarred for that
Maybe I'm reckless
What was your performance about this afternoon? What did your lawyer say?
Oh, Freddy thinks you're a buffoon
He says you've been too successful,
you're bored, complacent, and you're on your way down
But you don't think so How do you know?
Why would you be here? Why did you ask me?
Can't I be curious? About what?
Do you ever answer questions? Do you?
I'll have the tournedoes of beef The lady will have the same Thank you
Thank you, sir
I assume you're a carnivore
Oh, Mr Massey, you have no idea
Miles, please
Tell me more about yourself
All right, Miles
Let me tell you everything that you need to know
You may think you're tough, but I eat men like you for breakfast
I've invested five good years in my marriage to Rex,
and I've nailed his ass fair and square
Now I'm going to have it stuffed, mounted
and have my lady friends come over and throw darts at it
Man-hater, huh?
People don't go on safaris 'cause they hate animals
So it's just for the hunt, with the trophy at the end
No Nothing so frivolous
This divorce means money
Money means independence
That's what I'm after
What are you after, Miles?
Well, I'm a lot like you
Just looking for an ass to mount
Well, don't look at mine
Yeah
Oy vey
I got ya See this?
Yeah?
Uh, I'll just have a, um, salad, please
Um, baby field greens
What did you call me?
Uh, no, I-I... I- I didn't call you anything
You want a salad? Yeah Do you... Do you have a, uh, green salad?
What the fuck color would it be?
Why are we eating here?
What's his problem?
Just bring him an iceberg lettuce and a mealy tomato wedge smothered with French dressing
- And for you? - Ham sandwich on stale rye bread Lots of mayo, easy on the ham
- Slaw cup? - What the hell
Hello, Marge How are you, Gus?
I'm all right
Okay, now, I Minoxed her address book
Don't call me anymore for this penny-ante shit
I shoot action Me and the Ikegami, Jack
Thank you, Gus
And those rottweilers were a menace, man
I told you she had dogs
Yeah You ain't tell me they had a hard-on for anus Africanus
Gus, did you see any evidence,
any telltale signs
of indiscretion on the part of Mrs Rexroth?
What are you talkin' 'bout, "telltale signs"?
Look, I see an ass, I nail it
I don't sneak around sniffin' at sheets
Goddamn it, I'm Gus Petch!
Couldn't you be disbarred for that?
No, I don't think so Maybe if I'd had the patty melt
You had a guy break into her house and photograph her address book
No, Wrigley, I happened to let a man know
that I was interested in her address book... that's not criminal
I also happened to let him know that I was taking her out to dinner
That's not a crime either
No, I don't see myself as culpable in any sense
You, on the other hand, could be disbarred
for developing and examining these photos of her address book,
but that doesn't really concern me
Right
Who are you looking for? Tenzing Norgay
That's someone she slept with
I doubt it Tenzing Norgay was the Sherpa that helped Edmund Hillary climb Mt Everest
And Marylin knows him
No, you idiot Not the Tenzing Norgay Her Tenzing Norgay
I'm not sure that I actually follow that
Few great accomplishments are achieved single-handedly, Wrigley
Most have their Norgays
Marylin Rexroth is even now climbing her Everest
I wanna find her Norgay
But how do you determine which of the people on here are...
How do you spot a Norgay? Yeah
You start with the people with the funny names
Oyez, oyez Family Court of the Fifth District of Los Angeles County now in session
The Honorable Marva Munson presiding All rise
Have you sat before her before?
No No, the judge sits first Then we sit
Well, have you sat after her before?
Sat after her before? You mean, have we argued before her before?
The judge sits in judgment The counsel argues before the judge
So, have you argued before her before?
Before her before, or before she sat before? Before her before
I said, before her before No, you said before she sat before
I did at first, but... Look, don't argue
I'm not I'm... No, you don't argue We argue
Counsel argues You appear
Thejudge sits Then you sit
- Or you stand in contempt - And then we argue
The counsel argues Which you've done before
Which we've done before Ah
But not before her
Rex Sit
There it is! I got it!
I'm gon' nail yo' ass! Enough, I say!
I'm gon' nail yo' ass! Yeah!
Yeah, I'm gon' nail yo' ass! A silly misunderstanding...
Get that thing off me!
Yeah, I'm gon' nail yo' ass!
I'm gon' nail yo' ass! I'm gon' nail your ass!
Devastated
Simply devastated
Thank you, Mrs Rexroth
Mr Massey, any questions?
"Dismiss your vows,
"your feigned tears, your flattery,
for where a heart is hard they make no battery "
Mrs Rexroth, do you know those lines? Objection, Your Honor
- Grounds? - Uh, poetry recitation
Let me rephrase Mrs Rexroth
how high is that wall around your heart?
Your Honor, this is harassment,
and, frankly, it's still a little, uh, arty-farty
- Rephrase Mrs Rexroth, have you ever been in love? - Yes
Of course
With Rex
And you've always loved him?
"Whoever loved that loved not at first sight?"
S...
So it's your sworn testimony that you have loved Rex Rexroth
since first you met?
Yes
Thank you
No further questions, Your Honor
Who's next, Mr Bender?
- We rest, Your Honor - Mr Massey
Your Honor, I call Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!
Problem? Puffy
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy! Tenzing Norgay
Mr Krauss, do you solemnly swear that... Krauss von Espy
Mr Krauss von Espy, do you solemnly...
Baron Krauss von Espy
Solemnly swear that the testimony you are about to give shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?
- Mais bien sūr - No maybes
Mais bien sūr But of course, yes
The baron does not lie Have a seat, sir
Did you sleep with him?
Don't be a fool
Shush, Elsbieta Shush-shush-shush-shush
Baron von Espy, what is your profession?
Silly man I am a baron
Yes, but do you not also hold a day job?
Paying job A, uh, a square job
Well, one has to live
I am the concierge of Les Pantalons Rouges
at Bad-Gadesbourg in the canton of Uri
And what does that job entail?
I satisfy such requests as the clientele may present
Towels, ice, et cetera?
We have bellmen for that No, no, no
Such requests that, were you at home, you would address not to your valet
but to your majordomo
Shush, poochy-chow
I see Baron, do you recognize that woman?
Ah, cher Marylin But of course
Look who is here Hi!
And she was a guest of the Red Trousers?
Oh, many times,
for relaxing and making Alpine recreation
Mm-hmm I am curious about her visit of five years ago
January 1998
Can you remember any specific request she made at that time?
- Yes, I can - At what, at that time, did she tell you she required?
She said that she required
a husband!
Do you want some bones? Huh? Does Elsbieta want some bones?
Has anyone any bones?
Does anyone have any bones? B... Uh, bones? Dog candies?
No, they are not candies Milk-Bones Hard, crunchy bones for the teeth
Uh, hard, uh...
We'll attend to the dog later
Now, Baron...
Where were we?
"She said that she required a husband
"Oh, do you want some bones?
"Does Elsbieta want some bones?
Has anyone any bones? Hard, crunchy bones for the..."
Right
Now, a husband That's an unusual request
Did she specify what kind of a husband she was looking for?
Stop him Objection
- Grounds? - Uh hearsay
It's not secondhand, Your Honor This is direct testimony about the baron's own conversation
- I'm going to allow it - Yeah
She said she wanted a very rich husband
She wanted to know the businesses and the wealths-s... the wealths-s-s...
Can I say this? Wealths of our various eligible guests
And did she have any other specifications?
- Objection, Your Honor Inflammatory - What's good for the gander, Your Honor
- Is this a legal argument... "What's good for the gander"? - You got to play your tape, Freddy
Mr Massey has a point there I'm going to allow it
Were there any other specifications?
She "specificated" a silly man
Objection, Your Honor! I'm going to allow it
She "specificated" a man who, though clever at making money,
would be easily duped and controlled
Objection, Your Honor Shut up, Freddy She's allowing it
She "specificated"a man with a wandering pee-pee
How you say? Aphilanderer whose affairs would be transparent to the world
Objection, Your Honor!
Finally, a man whom she could herself brazenly cuckold
until such time as she might choose to, uh...
We would say, "faire un coup de marteau sur des fesses "
You would say, "make hammer on his fanny"
- Your Honor, Objection! L-Irrelevant! - I'm going to allow it!
Tell us, Baron... Did you introduce her to such a man?
Sir, I am the concierge!
And to whom did you introduce that calculating woman?
I introduced her
to that silly man
Your Honor, objection!
Let the record show that the baron has identified Rex Rexroth as the silly man!
I did it! It was I!
I introduced her to that silly man!
- You son of a bitch! - The red-faced angry one I introduced them!
Absolument! I did it! It was I!
I just love trains!
I love trains! If you please, sir!
I'm not sick! You're the one who's sick!
No... If you please...
Not the larynx!
Objection, Your Honor! Strangling the witness!
I'm going to allow it
Well, I think it stinks
They left you with nothing
Makes you wonder about the entire legal system,
like Rodney what's-his-name
They bought Massey's argument
If I lied or cheated and was with Rex only for his money,
then he shouldn't have to give me any
Well, that makes no sense Why else would you put in all those years?
Oooh!
Are you all right, Sarah?
Yeah Wh-What is it?
Peptic ulcer
I have medication, but I can't take it before elective surgery
You shouldn't be living here alone, Sarah
My goddamn husbands gave me the ulcer
But a bottle of Bromo can't love you back
Yeah
It's a catch-22
I have to admit, I don't like living alone
I mean, do I need 46 rooms?
You could see people
It's risky Palimony
Son of a bitch Marvin Mitchelson
I'm telling you, honey, getting laid is financial Russian roulette
Maybe I shouldjust tear it all down, build a cottage
More landscaping
Well, with my money, I can't afford to be fooling around
Besides, I have you
It'll be fun... just the girls
Well, thanks, Sarah, but I can't sleep on your couch forever
I'm going to marry again,
nail the guy's ass good
And this time there'll be no Puffy von Espy
Knock knock
Excuse me Mr Donaly?
Mr Donaly?
Mr Donaly, excuse me
You are Donovan Donaly?
I'm in a meeting Mr Donaly
I need a name
And, of course, we will have to litigate Sentence, paragraph
Naturally, the first concern for both parties
is the welfare of little WendellJunior
Nevertheless, we do question whether the continuing expenses for his special ed classes
are truly justified, given the great strides...
Mr Massey, the senior partner would like to see you
Herb wants to see me? If you have a moment
Fourteen summaryjudgments sought
Thirteen granted
Eighteen movements to void for respondent's prejudice
Eighteen granted
Twelve court days on the Rexroth case alone
320 billable hours paralegal services
680 billable
at full attorney rate
Eighty-five lunches charged
Counselor
you are the engine
that drives this firm
Mr Massey?
Please, no calls
I'm feeling a little fragile
I'm sorry, Mr Massey, but I felt certain you'd want to know Marylin Rexroth wants to see you
Marylin... Uh, uh, uh, w... Uh, when did she, uh...
She's here now
Is she armed? Give me a minute
Marylin
How nice of you to...
Marylin?
Shame on you
Marylin
What a lovely surprise
Marylin, what a pl...
- Who the hell are you? - Hello, Miles
So nice of you to see us
May I introduce Howard D Doyle of Doyle Oil
I'm goddamn pleased to meet you
Marylin here, she says you're the best Says you're aces
Well, thank you, Mr, uh...
Uh, any... any relation toJohn D Doyle of Doyle Oil?
Oh, you must be talkin' about Grandpa John My papa's John D too
The Deuce, we called him You know, kinda the rebel of the family
But they knocked off that wholeJohn D routine when they christened Yours Truly
Grandpa nearly had a stroke
He did have a stroke, but that was later, during the labor activity in '52
The government stepped in Mm-hmm Uh...
They called it mediation Well...
He called it incipient communism
Of course, that's when he had his stroke
Golly, the whole left side of his body is as useless as tits on a boar hog
He lingered in a vegetative state for years... Well, that is fascinating, Mr Doyle
What say we have a seat? A seat?
Marylin's had me runnin' up and down Rodeo Drive all day long
Kinda hit-and-run shoppin', you know Take no prisoners
Forced march kind of thing My God, my dogs are barkin'
We started out at this li'I ol' place right off of Wilshire... It's been quite a day
Had pewter things
But anyway, Miles, I know you're busy and you charge by the hour, so I'll get straight to the point
Howard D and I are planning to marry
Well...
Well, I suppose that congratulations are in order Well, thank you, Miles
You know, the urge to wedlock and form a lastin'monogamous bond sanctified by ritual, it's pert-near universal
As a matter of fact, it might be of some interest to you, bein'in a related business...
Even your indigenous Americans... Uh, I believe it was your Cree... used to...
Howard and I are here because I've learned, through bitter experience,
that when it comes to matrimony and law, you are the very best
And as you are well aware, my previous marriage
ended in an unjustified stain
upon my reputation
My motives were impugned
I was slandered in court
I was painted a harlot
Oh, honey, you ain't no harlot
Oh, yes, honey
So it's my desire to remove any trace of suspicion
from the mind of my dear Howard Doyle
Oh, honey, come on, now
I wish to execute a prenuptial agreement
And I'm dead-set against it I mean, just anti the whole deal
Howard's lawyers prefer it
I insist upon it
Oh, damn lawyers Uh, no offense to the present company or anything, you know
Now, is it my understanding that the Massey prenup has never been penetrated?
That is correct
Not to blow my own horn, but they devote an entire semester to it at Harvard Law
They got a hell of a school up there, ain't no doubt about it
We donated that Doyle building up there here a while back Mm-hmm
Now, I myself went to Texas A&M I'm an Aggie
- Business? - Tight end
And I had a fair amount of success against the split-T defense
See, when they line up symmetrical thataway,
it allows me to buttonhook and, you know, do a down-and-in, up-and-out and different things...
post pattern every now and then
Your tight ends don't generally run a post
But if the QB calls it, hell, I'm ready
Interrupt for a second? Yeah
I wanna make sure that you both understand what it is you're asking
The Massey prenup provides that in the event of a dissolution of the marriage,
for any reason,
both parties will leave it with what they brought in and earned during
No one can profit from the marriage
The prenup protects the wealthier party
Without it, that party is exposed, a sitting duck
Not a hell of a lot of romance in that
No, sir, there is not No romance
More to the point, no wriggle room
So, are we sure
that this is what we want?
Absolutely
It's my gift to Howard,
for his peace of mind,
whether or not he's worried about it at this moment
Oh, honey pie, do I look worried?
Excuse me, Mr Doyle
Could I just borrow your charming fiancée for a moment?
Well, okay You gon' leave a deposit?
What are you up to?
Something you won't understand, Miles
Howard and I are very much in love
I don't know what you're thinking, but I have to warn you, the Massey prenup has never been penetrated
You sign the prenup, you can't get his money
Thanks for the professional help
Marylin, think of me for a moment
not as an attorney but as a friend
Does that mean you won't be charging us for the hour?
Dump him You can't nail his ass
Is that all?
No, that's not all
I could have you disbarred for that
It was worth it
A romantic divorce attorney
You fascinate me
I'll get right on it I'll whip something up
All right Thank you
How's Lionel? He's fine
He asked me to deliver the keynote address at this year's convention in Vegas
That's quite an honor
I suppose On top of a great victory
What was that?
"What was that"?
Um, Rex Rexroth?
He kept everything? You win? No compromise? Isn't that what you wanted?
Oh, good God, Miles What are you looking for?
I don't know
Okay, I won
What then?
How many cases has Herb Myerson won?
The old man? More than anybody He's a legend And look at him
He's 87 years old, he's the first one into the office in the morning
- No home life - Who needs a home when you have a colostomy bag?
She can't really love this dope, can she?
Who? Uh, who loves who?
Marylin Rexroth
She signed a prenup for an oil millionaire
A Massey prenup?
Yeah
Well, then she is not after his money
Only love is in mind if the Massey is signed
April
Come she will
When streams are ripe and swelled with rain
Nay, she will stay
A- resting in my arms again
What the hell's wrong with you?
April
Come she will
Thank you for coming to this celebration
of the love between our two friends, Marylin and Howard
In today's cynical world,
it's so hard to take that great leap of faith
aboard the ship of love and caring
But today Marylin and Howard are taking that leap
and telling us, their friends,
that they do believe, that they do have faith,
that they do love
Do you, Howard Drexler Doyle,
take Marylin to be your shipmate on this journey through life,
through gale and doldrum, seas choppy, wild and calm?
Yes, I do, Father Scott
And do you, Marylin Rexroth, take Howard to be your shipmate and companion
to ports of every clime,
Be it in first class or steerage?
I do
Then, by the power vested in me by the State of California,
and as captain of the good ship Amore Veritas,
I now pronounce you man and wife
What do you think?
- What are they, ladles? - Berry spoons
Spoons? Berry spoons
Everybody has spoons And nobody needs berry spoons
Everybody eats berries Who are you, Pollyanna?
Hey, everybody! Folks! Hey, y'all! Where'd you see 'em at?
A Martha Stewart catalog right next to the silver napkin rings?
I need your attention for a minute Stadium seat ass-warmers?
Dear God, Wrigley, how many cockamamie personal possessions do we have to amass...
Why so angry?
Now, I know it's not common practice for the groom to give his bride a gift on their weddin' day,
but ever since I met Marylin there
I can't seem to quit givin' her things
- And I don't wanna stop 'cause it feels so durn good!
Chow Sing, bring that barbecue sauce over here, little buddy
There you go
Put that thing on my neck now
Now, honey, it's like the padre said
I want love and trust between us
Love and trust and not a thing else
And this here deed that I'm fixin' to perform...
Well, honey, let me just, uh...
You see this?
This is for you, darlin;
This here is for you
This here is for you, baby
Ever'last little speck of it
I love you
I mean, I love you like a son of a bitch!
I trust you!
This here is for you, baby Brilliant!
Baby, this is for you
What is it? I really love you
It's the prenup
I love her!
I trust her!
Ladies and gentlemen, It's the prenup!
I trust her! Brilliant!
You look beautiful
Ladies, if you'll excuse us
We have to talk
I would like to offer my congratulations
It was a beautiful gesture of Howard's
Well, Howard is a beautiful person
A diamond in the rough
And I have a feeling that someday soon
you'll be taking that diamond and leaving the rough
In a month or so, once I've established that I've tried to make the marriage work
May I offer my services? Oh, thanks
But no
No, I'm retaining Freddy Bender
Poor Freddy He was awfully blue after my last divorce
Well, I admire your loyalty
To lawyers, anyway
I guess without the prenup it's something even Freddy could manage
But how did you get Howard to do it?
It felt like it was his idea
Surely, Mr Massey, you've addressed enough juries
to appreciate the power of suggestion
Mmm
Wish I was a Kellogg's Corn Flake
Look, now that the marriage is winding down,
have dinner with me
No
No, nothing doing until the ink is dry on the settlement
Oh, this'll be no settlement
If I know Marylin Rexroth, this'll be nothing short of a complete and total
annihilation
You're gonna win Excuse me?
I can always tell, going to Vegas, who's gonna win
Well, thanks, but I'm going on business
I always win
Yeah
You know why I hate this town, Wrigley?
You see, people get to Las Vegas, and all of a sudden, the rules of the moral universe don't apply
When God is dead, all things are possible
I saw an ad in the paper:
"No-fault divorce... two-week divorce without a lawyer"
Made me sick to my stomach "No-fault divorce"
Good God Talk about your oxymoron
What's the world comin' to? One man can only do so much
One man... What are you talkin' about?
- Freddy - I had lunch with Freddy Bender yesterday
He tells me that Marylin Rexroth-Doyle is now richer than Croesus
Ah, yes, but is she richer than Mrs Croesus?
She could buy and sell you 10 times over She...
- My God, is that her? - Mmm
Freddy said she was flying in with him Celebrating, I guess
I'm fascinated by that creature Richer than me, huh?
Well, she deserves every penny
And now she's single again Excuse me
No You should stay away from her, Miles
Recite your keynote address Take a cold shower
You're looking well, Marylin Hello, Miles
Obscene wealth becomes you
I should've known you'd be here Be here?
I'm the keynote speaker Oh, how nice for you
"Nailing Your Spouse's Assets" Excuse me?
My speech Oh!
Oh, I'm sure you'll bring the house down
It's an easy crowd
At this point, I would think you're probably the only person that I can't teach anything to
Really? Mmm
Now, correct me, but since by now the ink must be dry,
I believe I have the right to collect
On? You promised to have dinner with me once you were free
I said I wouldn't whilst I wasn't, which implies no promise once I am
Noted Let me rephrase
I would be delighted... honored, really... if you'd...
Howard! Ow! Howard!
Howard!
You named him after your ex I'm sentimental
Well, I'm free this evening, so I suppose a little dinner would do no harm
Le Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin, 1990, sir
Yes Thank you I'll take care of it
Marylin, this is a moment to savor
Yes, we were adversaries,
but we were also professionals
So let us raise a glass to friendship
To victory
So, how does it feel?
Sorry? Victory Independence
Oh, um...
- Well, frankly, Miles... - It's not everything you'd hoped for?
I know the feeling
Independence Two-edged sword
My friend... My best friend... Sarah Sorkin?
Sarah Battista-O'Flanagan-Sorkin?
The O'Flanagan settlement?
- Ahh - Hmm
- Huh - Anyway, three fine settlements
More money than she could ever hope to spend
Yes Her vaunted independence
Don't tell me She sits around the house, afraid to see people, afraid to put her portfolio into play
And only a peptic ulcer to keep her warm at night
Yes
There's a certain point when you've achieved your goals
You realize that you're still not satisfied
Yes
We should order
You know, I'm not really hungry
Neither am I
Shh
1,800 billable hours
1,221 motions to void
564 summary judgments
129,999 lunches charged
Hello?
Miles? Hello? Marylin?
Sarah Sorkin just died!
Marylin!
Her ulcer
perforated
Infection Yes
Miles? Yes, Marylin?
She was alone
She'd been dead for two days before her Pilates instructor found her
Marylin, listen to me
No arguments No discussions I'll have Wrigley meet us at the Wee Kirk o' the Heather
- Wrigley! - The vows are from an Arapaho dawn greeting ceremony
The music is Simon and Garfunkel And this is the Massey prenup
You the two gettin' married? - Mr MacKinnon here will be officiating
Sorry Short notice Pen
Marylin, you're welcome to examine this
This is the Massey prenup
As you know, it's ironclad We tried to reach Freddy Bender
We tried to reach Freddy, to have him here for your protection, but we couldn't find him I couldn't get him
Are you two here to get married or to bullshit?
- So you can't hope to benefit from the marriage? - Not in any way
And my wealth is completely... completely protected?
As if a lead veil had been drawn across it
Do you still want to marry me? More than ever
Are ya rentin' kilts?
Do you, Miles Longfellow Massey,
of Massey, Myerson, Sloan and Gurolnick, LLP,
take Marylin Hamilton-Rexroth-Doyle to be your lawful wedded wife?
I do Yes I do I do
Let me finish Jesus, have you never been married before?
To have and to hold, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?
I do
And do you, Marylin Hamilton-Rexroth-Doyle,
take Miles Longfellow Massey to be your lawful wedded husband,
to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, till death do you part?
- I do - I now pronounce you man and wife
I'll take care of you later
No, no, no, no, no No This is all wrong Wha...
Is it the kilt?
Do you love me? More than anything
Can I trust you? Yes You can trust me
Darling, you're exposed
A sitting duck
I hereby declare the 12th Congress of the National Organization
- of Matrimonial Attorneys Nationwide open
As our first order of business, it is a privilege to call to the podium our keynote speaker
From the Los Angeles firm of Massey, Myerson, Sloan and Gurolnick,
a man whose name is synonymous with bitter disputes and big awards,
Miles Massey
Thank you, Branco
In the world of...
In the world of matrimonial law, there are...
In the world of matrimonial law, there are multiple tactics...
Friends,
this morning I stand before you a very different Miles Massey
than the one that addressed you last year
on the disposition of marital assets following murder/suicide
I wish to talk to you today not about technical matters oflaw
I wish to talk to you about something more important
I wish to talk to you from the heart
because today for the first time in my life,
I stand before you naked
vulnerable
And in love
Love
It's a word we matrimonial lawyers avoid
Funny, isn't it? We're frightened of this emotion, which is, in a sense,
the seed of our livelihood
Well, today Miles Massey is here to tell you
that love need cause us no fear
Love need cause us no shame
Love is
good
Love is good
I am, of course, aware that these remarks will be received here with cynicism
Cynicism, that cloak that advertises our indifference
and hides all human feeling
Well, I'm here to tell you that that cynicism which we think protects us
in fact destroys
Destroys love, destroys our clients,
and, ultimately, destroys ourselves
Colleagues, when our clients come to us confused and angry and hurting
because their flame of love is guttering and threatens to die,
do we seek to extinguish that flame so that we can sift
through the smoldering wreckage for our paltry reward,
or do we fan this precious flame,
this most precious flame, back into loving, roaring life?
Do we counsel fear or trust?
Do we seek to destroy or build?
Do we meet our clients'problems with cynicism
or with love?
The choice is, of course, each of ours
For my part, I've made the leap of love, and there's no going back
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last time I will address you
as the president of NOMAN... or as a member
I intend to devote myself to pro bono work in East Los Angeles
or one of those other...
God bless you all
I love you, man
So, Wrigley, I'm gonna be relinquishing my partnership in Massey, Myerson
If you'd care to join me in my new endeavor, I'd be delighted
Of course, I can't offer you the same kind of financial remuneration you've grown accustomed to,
but the work'll have to serve as its own reward
Barkeep, we'll have two of your finest scotches That's the, uh...
- I propose a toast Barkeep! - That's... That's the soap that used to belong to, uh...
Now, you'll be serving in a junior capacity, of course Donovan Donaly
- Miles, that's, uh... that's, uh... uh... - It'll be a small operation, a boutique
Let me tell you what they called me in medical school
The... I don't see why my leadership skills should...
Howard? Mackenzie the Mechanical Marvel
It's Howard You see, I have no nerves
He's not an oil tycoon An actor
Doctor, this is highly unusual
So Marylin married a soap actor
So she's...she's poor
Get yourself some clean scrubs and have them prepare the OR
- Well, thank God you have the prenup - I have no prenup
- You have no prenup - I have no prenup
You have no prenup
Thanks
Okay
- Marylin? - Oh, hello, Miles
- Going back to LA? - Yes
Look, Miles, I think it's only fair to warn you that after a decent interval,
I intend to have Freddy seek an injunction
that would forbid you to approach within 500 feet of my house
You mean, my house Oh, I believe the residence will be part of the settlement
Marylin, didn't last night mean anything to you?
Oh Well, about as much as it'll mean to you... half of your net worth
Oh, Miles, you'll always be my favorite husband
But no more sentiment, darling
I really have to be going
The dog's rented
You didn't win
Excuse me?
I can always tell, comin' back from Vegas, who didn't win
You're right
But
you're going through with it?
Yes
I just felt so sorry for him for a minute there
At the preliminary hearing, he just looked so beaten
Well, he was beaten, fair and square I know, but...
Oh, their pathetic look
It's what they all fall back on when they don't have a prenup
Just stay strong until the divorce is final
Relax and enjoy your pool
Do you think he's eating enough? Marylin!
This woman has humbled,
Shamed and disgraced the entire firm
- Yes, Herb - Counselor
this firm deals in power
This firm deals in perception
This firm cannot prosper
nor long endure if it is perceived to be
dancing to the music of a hurdy-gurdy!
It's just...
Herb, for the first time in my career,
I don't know what to do
I'm a patsy I'm a sittin' duck I'm lost
Lost?
I'll tell you what you can do You can act like a man
And let me tell you something, smart guy
You thought you had it all figured out
Trust Marriage
All your goddamn love, love, love!
Now, you listen to me I'm gonna talk to you about the goddamn law
We serve the law!
We honor the law!
And sometimes, Counselor, we obey the law
But, Counselor,
This is not one of those times
Are you WheezyJoe?
Which of youse is Smith?
Well, uh, we're here representing Mr Smith
on a matter of some delicacy
- Who's the pigeon? - The what?
- Who you want me to kill? - Yes Well, we would like you...
Mr Smith would like you to neutralize...
terminate... render unto a state of...
so that she isn't so much, uh... uh...
- Breathing - Yes A business associate
by the name of Marylin Rexroth-Doyle-Massey... Smith... Massey
Is that one person?
I have some photos here
of Miss Rexroth, and, um, that's the address that she's staying at
That is Mr Smith's address... Massey's... Smith...
It's Mr Smith's address, although Mr Smith is not directly involved
Because of an impending legal matter, we need this to happen within a certain time frame
- On an expedited basis - You're in a rush
We're not in a rush Mr Smith is
Sh... Sh... Sh... She won't... She won't suffer, will she?
Not unless you pay extra
Oh, I've been workin' on the railroad
All the livelong day
I've been workin' on the railroad
Just to pass the time away
Can't you hear the whistle blowing
Rise up so early in the morn Toot-toot!
Whistle's goin' "toot-toot"
What's the matter, Rexie?
Hello?
Yes, he's here One moment, please
Miles
It's for you
Hello? Yes?
What?
I see
My God
- What? - That was Marvin Untermeyer
He was Rex Rexroth's personal attorney
Yes?
What do you mean, he was?
Rex had a massive coronary in the middle of a business meeting
He's dead
Well, I'm very sorry to hear that,
but you two weren't close, were you?
Marvin said that Rex's will was four years old Never redrafted it
He was stinkin'rich Yes?
Everything goes to Marylin
She's not poor She's richer than you
She is exposed No prenup She's a sitting duck
She's a sitting duck Can't kill her No need Mm-hmm
No It would be pointless She's exposed It's pointless
Exposed Why kill the only woman you've ever loved when she's the richer party?
She's rich And I love her Don't need to kill her
Ah What? Ah!
You've reached WheezyJoe What do you want? Joe!
Hi, it's Miles Smith... Mr Smith... calling to say
on behalf of myself, that it is... No-go
uh, no-go concerning Marylin
I'm speaking with no knowledge This is what Mr Smith wants
This is what I want
I am Mr Smith Thank you
That was good
- You think I'm protected? - Ehh... You...
Am I protected? I think it would hold up
- Marylin - Yes, yes Marylin
- What do we do? What if he's on his way there? - Yes Oh!
- If he's on his way there... - Oh, no! Marylin!
Get her out and buy some time Buy some time!
Hello?
Marylin, you must leave the house immediately
It's imperative that you leave the house Hello, Miles
- Hello, dear - Now, Miles, pending final settlement,
you know that I'm entitled to use the house No, no, no! You don't understand!
It's an emergency! An emergency!
What is it? I forgot that I left the gas main on, which leaks!
- Good gosh That sounds dangerous - It's a deadly, odorless, colorless,
"liquid-less" gas that... that attacks the central nervous system
and causes diarrhea and facial tics!
Okay All right Well, thanks for calling, Miles Okay Bye-bye
I think she bought it
So, tell me
who sent you?
Mr Smith
Is this Mr Smith?
No
That's his lawyer
Whatever they're paying you, I'll double
What now? We wait for WheezyJoe We tell him it's a no-go
Careful Rottweilers
Looks like she's gone Looks like she bought it
Good stuff There's no one here Except for the rottweilers
Sure Rottweilers
You go that way
WheezyJoe?
WheezyJoe, thank God you're in time
You're not in time We're in time Thank God we're in time
Look, it's a no-go You get it? No one need be the wiser, so you can just go on home
Good-bye You know, thank you so much
Hear that? Okay? No, no No, no No, no
No-go No contract It's off It's...
Will you explain to the lunkhead that it's a no-go? No-go It's a no-go
We'll settle your contract later Look, you're fired, pal Let it go Walk away
- Golden parachute - Don't let the screen door hit you Does he speak any language?
Here's what happened, Mr Carnera We feel that...
Wait, wait, wait, wait
Wheezy! Uh...
Told him it was a no-go
Gentlemen Freddy
- Hello, Marylin - Hello, Miles
- This is where we first met, remember? - Of course I remember
It's hard to believe that when you walk out that door today, you'll be walking out of my life forever
It's not something I wanted either
But, then, I guess
something inside of me died
when I realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me
Wait a minute You hired him to kill me No Both of you wait a minute
- Nobody hired anyone to kill anyone - Hear, hear
Apparently, from what I can gather, a burglar broke into your house
Miles's house Whatever!
A burglar broke in intending to loot the place, uh, repented,
became despondent over his lifestyle and shot himself
- So where does that leave you and me? - Well, we've outlined a settlement
We think it's very generous My client is prepared to consider a reconciliation
But how could I trust you, Miles, after all this?
See, that's exactly right The point is... You wounded me first, Marylin
I'm not proud of what I've done, but God knows, I did trust you once
If you couldjust... just give us another chance
Well, if you'll pardon me here, but I think my client is well beyond the point of considering...
How could I ever trust you again? I mean, really trust you, Miles?
Marylin, there is nothing in the Massey prenup that says
it can't be executed after the parties wed
Well, if this, uh, indeed is a Massey prenup,
and a cursory examination tends to support that it is, then...
Oh, my God, Marylin You're exposed
Marylin
Counselor! Freddy!
Freddy! Come on, Freddy! No fair!
Freddy!
Did you hear something? Only the patter of little lawyers' feet
Where did you find Howard?
The actor? From a TV producer
I think you know him I gave him an idea for a new show, so he made me a partner
I guess that means I'm a partner I guess it does
And what exactly is it we're partners in?
Who gets what and who gets who?
You'll find out on America's Funniest Divorce Videos
Here's the star of our show, Gus Petch!
You goddamn right, folks I'm Gus Petch
And we got a great show for ya We gon' make you laugh We gon' make you cry
- But most of all, we gon' nail yo'... - Ass!
Nail your ass! Nail your ass!